Image: Artist Unknown
“In our fear we believe that we must make things happen; in our practice we learn to let things happen.” —Rolf Gates
Being broken open is kind of amazing. Since my bathroom floor moment in January, the revelations have continued to pour in. It’s like a faucet has been turned on and can’t be turned off. Rather miraculous. As soon as I made a conscious decision to shift my focus from body to mind, heart & spirit, my heart has opened in a way it hasn’t in a very long time. I feel vulnerable and curious and hopeful and excited all at once. Something in me has shifted and I don’t ever want to go back. A darkness is slowly, delicately turning into light.
I have realized that often when that little voice inside me says “I don’t want to”, what I really mean is “I’m scared”. And for years I let that fear stop me from fully inhabiting my life. From now on, I’m going to do my very best to squarely face my fear every day. When I feel fear I’m going to remind myself that it’s really just a voice in my head. I don’t have to listen to it. When I worry that I’m not good enough or capable enough to succeed at something I want to do I’m going to try anyway. When my anxiety encourages me to figure out my “Purpose” RIGHT NOW I’m going to trust that things will become clear in their own time. Less forcing; more letting.
It’s a fresh start. How beautiful is that? The renowned relationship expert Esther Perel has said that couples can create several marriages over the course of a life together. I now see that I will have several lives within this mortal one. This is the beginning of my next life.
Interestingly, since my awakening, I’ve been feeling physically healthier than I have in months. Who knows if it’s a long-term shift caused by the release of psychic burdens or a brief reprieve due to circumstances beyond my control? Either way I’m grateful. Clinging a little (I’m not enlightened yet), but mostly grateful.
And flying free.